Some girls are pretty.
While some girls are plain.
They all deserve to be loved.
7.10.2015
1.29.2014
Winds of Change: An Explanation of Sorts
I never mentioned the stirrings of a small business
publicly through this blog, but I find that it may be the best place to explain the
yielding of the dream to another’s hands.
I will keep the details at a minimum, but feel free to approach me with any clarifying questions.
One year ago I began putting full time efforts into opening
a coffee shop in my neighborhood. Many
hours, prayers, and dollars went into the adventure to create a place for the
community to dream together and begin to thrive again! Creating, building and dreaming of community were my daily tasks- talk about a dream job!
In November it became apparent that if the vision of this
coffee shop was going to go through, I would need to find a partner who could
help in particular areas. The Lord
wasted no time in providing the perfectly passionate person for the job. In partnering with Bryon, it was evident to
see that he was a man with great passion and ability, but it was also evident
that there were major differences of style and vision. In short, I decided that I wanted to see the
coffee shop come into fruition and be successful more than I wanted my own branding
or name on it. In December, I simply
stepped out of the partnership to allow Bryon the room to run with the plans
that God has given him to create quite the café experience.
I loved the time I got to spend creating a fun and
intentional space for the community! I
believe that the coffee shop will thrive and the community will be delighted
with the new leadership! As for me, I
look forward to engaging the community in new ways, and continuing to trust God
on this great adventure!
I'm forever grateful for those who invested any amount of time and/or energy into seeing this project move forward. I am confident those efforts were not wasted and I look forward to sipping some awesome coffee with you soon!
7.21.2013
Sending
Friday morning started early. My roommate, Jackie, was busy doing some final prepping, packing, and problem solving for her "move out" and mission trip. After all her bags were in the car- we worshipped. Sweet tears rolled down faces as a season ended in our humble Kingdom minded home. It was a familiar scene as Kelly and I layed hands on our friend and prayed for her and her upcoming African adventure. It was a simple, yet holy moment. I felt as if I was truly sending my heart to Africa with my sister. This was a true moment of sending out. There is a sweet role to be played as an intentional "sender". Thank You, Jesus for this opportunity!
1.20.2013
You Revive Me
It seems that shortly after I started this virtual memorial stone my faith was shaken. I allowed the pain of circumstance drive a wedge in my heart. It was easier to withdraw then press in. I let private pain silence my worship. I could feel the hardening of my heart. I could feel distrust creeping in. But what could I do? I felt helpless. I felt hopeless.
So I went to Africa.
The light of the Lord exposed the unyielded pain, and the grace of God gave me the strength to surrender. In that moment of yielding, the peace of God came in like a flood. When I woke up the next morning this simple phrase was on my lips, "You revived me, Lord."
So on a mountain in Africa I worshipped in spirit and in truth. I prayed that the Lord would seal the work He had performed in my heart. And then I worshipped Him some more! Because He is so worthy. Because He is good. Because He is faithful. And I love Him.
You revive me. You revive me, Lord And all of my deserts are rivers of joy. -Christy Nockles
So I went to Africa.
The light of the Lord exposed the unyielded pain, and the grace of God gave me the strength to surrender. In that moment of yielding, the peace of God came in like a flood. When I woke up the next morning this simple phrase was on my lips, "You revived me, Lord."
So on a mountain in Africa I worshipped in spirit and in truth. I prayed that the Lord would seal the work He had performed in my heart. And then I worshipped Him some more! Because He is so worthy. Because He is good. Because He is faithful. And I love Him.
You revive me. You revive me, Lord And all of my deserts are rivers of joy. -Christy Nockles
5.20.2011
The Toughest Lesson
I've been known a time or two to say "there is no greater adventure than following Jesus around the world." And He is always faithful to keep me truthful in that statement. I'm so grateful to God, my Father, for this adventure. I believe that we went with open hearts and minds to do what the Lord would want, and I believe we remained faithful throughout to be in sync with the precious Holy Spirit.
This mission was not without it's battles. Before leaving, someone told me that England was tougher ground than the USA. I didn't really believe them- I thought "have you been to Cleveland?" But, I stand corrected. It actually took me returning to the USA to see the depths of what I was experiencing. I'm honestly still trying to identify and understand some of it, but I just want to keep praying for my brother's and sister's in the United Kingdom to stand firm, remain steadfast, and breakthrough- our God can rescue the UK and bring the nation back into it's ordained purpose as a sending nation. I have a new perspective and a lot of new friends.
But the most valuable thing that happened during my time in England was very personal and ran very deep. And although it exposes me to the world, I would like to share it here, because I believe it's a message for the church too. May God get the glory, may I have grace to convey my heart, and may His people hear the message.
In early 2009, my mom moved into my home with end stage COPD. Ultimately, my mother moved in to my home dying. The Lord did much in that time, and though I was not perfect in my caretaking, it was a privilege to serve her in her most vulnerable time in life. My life was radically changed by bringing my mother into my home. Every decision I made had to be processed through how it would effect her. When it came to meetings and social gatherings, I either had to stay home, take my mom along with me, or feel absurdly guilty for not being home with her. This just became normal living.
But in August 2010, I came under something called "caretaker fatigue." I also became bitter towards my circumstances. When someone gave our household a gift of money to go out to eat, I decided that we would take a night away from my mom. We decided that we would go to a nice Thai restaurant before an all night prayer meeting. When my mother asked to come, I swiftly and sternly told her "No, you don't even like Thai food and I need some space." When she begged, I stood firm in my rejection. I wanted my life. This was the last interaction I had with my mother alive. She died the next day while I was at work.
The pain of this memory is deeper than anything I have ever experienced. I was operating in straight up flesh! The sin is under the Blood of Jesus, but the reality of how I finished this journey remains. Had I known that this would be my last night with my beautiful mother, of course I would have brought her out! We would have feasted! I loved my mother more than anyone else in this world. It was just one day! But I did know! My mother was in her last days, she had a terminal illness, I was very aware of that, but because she had held on for so long, I didn't act as if she was going to die!
Church, we are in the last days! Many of those reading this will be very aware of that fact. But the Lord exposed, I am not living as if Jesus is really coming back. There are days that I walk in the flesh. I get knocked down and I linger down there before getting back up. But the truth is, the last days means that the Day of the Lord is approaching. And we know that no one has knowledge of that day. Just as the Lord alone holds the keys to death in His hands, so only He knows when He will return.
Friends, let me tell you, the Lord has said that the pain I feel for being found out of position on the day that it counted most in my mother's life is nothing but a shadow of the pain I would feel if found out of position on the Day of the Lord. How absolutely horrific that would be. I can't even express what I'm feeling right now, it ruptures language. I pray that you are understanding this call to urgency. We need to stay steadfast, there is no time for anything else. We know the season, we must be ready.
This mission was not without it's battles. Before leaving, someone told me that England was tougher ground than the USA. I didn't really believe them- I thought "have you been to Cleveland?" But, I stand corrected. It actually took me returning to the USA to see the depths of what I was experiencing. I'm honestly still trying to identify and understand some of it, but I just want to keep praying for my brother's and sister's in the United Kingdom to stand firm, remain steadfast, and breakthrough- our God can rescue the UK and bring the nation back into it's ordained purpose as a sending nation. I have a new perspective and a lot of new friends.
But the most valuable thing that happened during my time in England was very personal and ran very deep. And although it exposes me to the world, I would like to share it here, because I believe it's a message for the church too. May God get the glory, may I have grace to convey my heart, and may His people hear the message.
In early 2009, my mom moved into my home with end stage COPD. Ultimately, my mother moved in to my home dying. The Lord did much in that time, and though I was not perfect in my caretaking, it was a privilege to serve her in her most vulnerable time in life. My life was radically changed by bringing my mother into my home. Every decision I made had to be processed through how it would effect her. When it came to meetings and social gatherings, I either had to stay home, take my mom along with me, or feel absurdly guilty for not being home with her. This just became normal living.
But in August 2010, I came under something called "caretaker fatigue." I also became bitter towards my circumstances. When someone gave our household a gift of money to go out to eat, I decided that we would take a night away from my mom. We decided that we would go to a nice Thai restaurant before an all night prayer meeting. When my mother asked to come, I swiftly and sternly told her "No, you don't even like Thai food and I need some space." When she begged, I stood firm in my rejection. I wanted my life. This was the last interaction I had with my mother alive. She died the next day while I was at work.
The pain of this memory is deeper than anything I have ever experienced. I was operating in straight up flesh! The sin is under the Blood of Jesus, but the reality of how I finished this journey remains. Had I known that this would be my last night with my beautiful mother, of course I would have brought her out! We would have feasted! I loved my mother more than anyone else in this world. It was just one day! But I did know! My mother was in her last days, she had a terminal illness, I was very aware of that, but because she had held on for so long, I didn't act as if she was going to die!
Church, we are in the last days! Many of those reading this will be very aware of that fact. But the Lord exposed, I am not living as if Jesus is really coming back. There are days that I walk in the flesh. I get knocked down and I linger down there before getting back up. But the truth is, the last days means that the Day of the Lord is approaching. And we know that no one has knowledge of that day. Just as the Lord alone holds the keys to death in His hands, so only He knows when He will return.
Friends, let me tell you, the Lord has said that the pain I feel for being found out of position on the day that it counted most in my mother's life is nothing but a shadow of the pain I would feel if found out of position on the Day of the Lord. How absolutely horrific that would be. I can't even express what I'm feeling right now, it ruptures language. I pray that you are understanding this call to urgency. We need to stay steadfast, there is no time for anything else. We know the season, we must be ready.
4.25.2011
Easter
I have such a deep, DEEP sense of gratitude for Jesus right now. As painful as this year was to walk through, and still can be at times, having a year surrounded with death has brought such a poignant Truth to the resurrection of Christ. And I praise God.
I can hear my mom singing "Christ the Lord is risen today, AAAlleelluuiiaa"
A sweet memory.
I can hear my mom singing "Christ the Lord is risen today, AAAlleelluuiiaa"
A sweet memory.
4.22.2011
Training
The first time I tried cycling- I was miserable.
The first mile I ran- I was miserable.
The first day I fasted- I was miserable.
Today was a my first day in practicing the spiritual discipline of silence. And guess what, I was miserable.
As a child, on Good Friday, my mother insisted on silence and chores in the house from 3pm-6pm, in reverence to the 3hrs of darkness covered the earth as Christ hung on the cross. Today, I felt a call to silence and stillness from 3pm-6pm. This would be a time not even to pray or worship, but simply to be. I have never practiced this discipline before, and it proved to be difficult. I sat in the grass, bit every nail, swatted every fly, and hoped the time would supernaturally pass.
I was almost discouraged at my unmet expectations of that time until on my walk home the Lord reminded me of my training experiences. It's not often that the first time you try something it's easy and successful. It takes practice and discipline. So, I won't reject this discipline, but hope to practice some more, and find it to be fruitful in the future.
The first mile I ran- I was miserable.
The first day I fasted- I was miserable.
Today was a my first day in practicing the spiritual discipline of silence. And guess what, I was miserable.
As a child, on Good Friday, my mother insisted on silence and chores in the house from 3pm-6pm, in reverence to the 3hrs of darkness covered the earth as Christ hung on the cross. Today, I felt a call to silence and stillness from 3pm-6pm. This would be a time not even to pray or worship, but simply to be. I have never practiced this discipline before, and it proved to be difficult. I sat in the grass, bit every nail, swatted every fly, and hoped the time would supernaturally pass.
I was almost discouraged at my unmet expectations of that time until on my walk home the Lord reminded me of my training experiences. It's not often that the first time you try something it's easy and successful. It takes practice and discipline. So, I won't reject this discipline, but hope to practice some more, and find it to be fruitful in the future.
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